I’m not dying so don’t go out and celebrate my demise. This essay comes from thoughts I had during difficult and uncomfortable ‘moments’ over the last few months. I have researched many alternative therapies and my conclusions come from accurate information. A reader can do as they like with their own body, the following words are from MY perspective only.
This short essay has nothing to do with miracles or strange and unprovable methods of physical repair. For example there is a non sense taught by invisible ink diploma quacks who claim the alkalinity or acidity of the blood can be controlled by food and if one has alkaline blood the body will cure itself of the most terrifying of diseases – Shame on these shamans of lies – The basic truth is that body controls its Ph by a complex chemical/breathing process. Yes, a healthy diet will have an incredible and beneficial effect upon the body. Change Ph? Its the baloney of a phony. I guide any who are ill to seek professional advise and diagnosis before allowing an unqualified wanna-be doctor to tip the scales of recovery beyond any possible rebalance.
Illness My Friend
Never was there a better friend. No companion more faithful, nor potentially ruinous, deceitful and reliable. An associate requiring understanding and care. A calculating deceiver who planned for many months and infiltrated my body long before deciding to reveal its intent.
Good food, exercise, rest are part of the deal and faith in the expertise of real professionals seal the contract to recovery. I would not risk my well-being with the flawed idiocy of snake venom dealers, the majority of whom are most often social failures they have no place in my world. There are no ‘secret’ or ‘magical’ cures, delusion has no place in recovery. The ‘psychic’ surgeon is a great magician, the best sleight of hand illusionist and better considered as ‘psychic’ grave digger not miracle worker.
I wonder if many of those who claim to have cured themselves of terminal illness and then go on to sell their ‘cure’ have in truth been ill at all. Do these parasites have any more conscience than Himmler or Stalin? There will be exceptions to any rule, if those who are affronted by my statement wish to prove me wrong, give me dates and evidence, not fairy tales. Realise the reality, my friend ‘illness’ awakens a truth within me and as I listen to my conscience, I have no option other than to verbalise and write my thoughts. Where health is concerned, now I question what I am told, I do not have the time to waste on idiots, charlatans, criminals who use the fears of those who are unwell to make their living.
The gripers who chose to disparage doctors, nurses and pharmaceutical companies are guided to relinquish their right to their expertise when they themselves become ill. My observations of late guide me to certain conclusions. Two of which are – one – quacks go to real doctors when they are unwell – two – many spiritual individuals fear death! – Although these masters of universal knowledge and wisdom will deny this to any who would ask.
A mental side effect of bodily decay is the wonder of the mind to become clear thinking and realistic in life observations. Body well, mind can be crazy. Body ill, mind is stable and sane.
I realized in one of the early morning silences, when, awakened by fear, painful symptoms and nothing other to do than THINK, that I have wasted the vast percentage of the gift of life. These moments of abject loneliness open my mind to new and realistic ways of thought and I am now observing with more care than at any other time in the last 56 years. These moments of reflection awakened a suspicion that, not one fight, argument, betrayal, deception, theft, death, person hated, person loved, has taught me more than my illness. There is a conflict found in this new understanding of myself – I no longer give a fig for what I say and how I will behave, indeed all social protocols are redundant. By not caring for the feelings of others, I’ve become free to eliminate those who are just plain boring to my psyche and those who’s excessive demands have sapped my will, determination, resolve and happiness. My withering patience will cause more good-byes over the coming weeks.
For a clearer explanation – I once believed it better to be helper and kind. What a fool, how blind to the truth that excessive demands of others made me unhappy. I now refuse to give anything to any one, and, with total commitment to myself I have a true understanding of selfness. Yes, the human is free to ‘give’, although, I harbor a feeling that excessive giving is a ‘own goal’ – The judge called conscience hands out heavy sentences, depression, unhappiness and dis-ease in punishment for self neglect and failing to accept who IS number one. Our conscious mind may receive short term euphoria when a gift is given or accepted – The personal unconscious mind rebels from the self neglect and lack in self understanding. Do not misunderstand me, I am not writing of material gifting (money is easy to earn) No, I am writing of the situations when a friend demands too much or burdens a fragile or already weak life with negative situations. A friend or family member can elicit incredible inner tensions by using knowingly or no the leverage of emotional blackmail. There are those who need illness as a prop or use it as an invisible chain to imprison friends and relatives to their needs.
One can understand why. When betrayer and thief named illness manifests within the body. Some will wither with fear, many will hide behind self pity and some desire and need sympathy. Fear – Pity – Sympathy – An unstable trio on which to place the word recovery.
I ask for no sympathy, prayers, kindness or help. Indeed I have no need of anything from anyone. My loyalty and obligation are with those who are working to eliminate my illness. This is not to write that there is no gratitude for the kind words and sentiments received from my friends, far from it. I would prefer that it is accepted that I will be well very soon. This is not a hope, it is a certainty and it is fortunate that this is so. I am thankful to my illness for awakening me to the possible consequences of restrictive disease. I am thankful to my friend for giving me an insight into the difficulties others encounter in their own plight and I understand that there is little I can offer to help anyone. I’ve neglected myself for far too long and I will not be making that mistake again. My friend has opened my eyes to truths and fueled the power of determination live my life my way without having to make commitments to others or concerning myself with the madness of the world.
Illness is the best teacher and liberator to have come into my life, far from being enemy it is a friend. because it reminds me if one is to become well and repair to health then there is but ONE obligation and that is to understand ones foe and to become within selfness. This will mean removing any negative situation or individual from my environment. Once the body enters the final sleep there is no return, no second chance.
There must be thousands of people every day who lay in their death chamber thinking about mistakes made, opportunities lost. It is my intention not to think of regrets, mistakes or failures again. It is easy to build a wall around ambitions and potentials. Not a wall of bricks or debt, a wall of fools. Who would want to be with or would trust a man who is surrounded with wasters, incapable’s, spongers, addicts? In life there truly is living death bought about by association and it is now so very clear to me that the negative attitudes and actions of those who were once within my life space have effected me in many ways. The wrecking ball is swinging the wall of fools is breached, the reservoir of restrictions flows out of my psyche, personal unconscious mind and conscious thoughts.
The next individual who moans to me of their plight will face a blank stare. There is no more to give. The battery in my torch of life is being recharged and in the future the light will only be turned on to guide me when I enter my own shadows. I care not for any who believe me to be selfish, each man and woman is entitled to say and do as they like. Would I care for unkindness or spiteful words? Illness does not care who becomes its host. Anger and spiteful words do not effect its painful objective. It will visit, man, woman, king, queen, statesman, pauper it is my most important teacher, better than any Tolle – Hay – Guru.
The smug know all. Yes, those who know their way is the only way and who come to hate and despise any who question their opinions are seen for who they have become – fraud – liar – delusional. These devils of deception hold no true hope for any who are within difficult situations. The way out of trouble is determination to face facts and to act in a way which clears the debris of misfortune. The way to the future is to dig deeper foundations of truth and integrity so as a new life can be built from the bricks of the misfortune or difficulties.
Setback, fear, uncertainty literally awakens a troubled soul. And, in these early mornings of solitude the mind can think and reason without interference. Only the clarity of certainty and truth is listened to. Asking what did I do to help myself yesterday? What will I do to help myself today?
Illness is indeed my friend.
The Heart of the Mind 