Four Minute Essay

Who Do Voodoo?
Who Do Voodoo?

A woman said ‘You look like a man who knows about phones’
‘I don’t know anything about phones – I buy a new one every three to four years’
“Do you know where there is a phone shop on the market?’
‘Go to the end of the market – turn left – the stall is called Funky Phones’

Three minutes pass, and she returns ‘Are they by the Cafe?’
‘No they are to the left of the cafe.’
‘What are they called?’
‘Funky Phones’
‘I’ll go and see if I can find them – What are they called?’
‘Funky Phones’
‘Are they any good?’
‘I don’t know – I never need to use them.’
‘Their name doesn’t seem very reassuring.’
‘I cannot comment.’
‘What are they called?’

I write the name on a piece of paper and draw a map of where the phone shop is: She looks at it….
‘Thanks for drawing the map.’

I’m good at drawing maps – Alice and I draw five or more each day – Pirate maps, treasure maps, seaside maps, TinTin maps.

She’s back ‘ The plan was brilliant, thank you very much, they’re closed, if you have drawn the map in the first place, my phone would have been fixed.’

I’m not too sure what to say, she looks at me and begins to walk away. I sense she will turn around…
‘Do you know how to fix phones?’
‘No – I don’t know anything about phones’
‘Do you know? You are the most ignorant man.’

I smile, and she is gone.
I have decided to drink two glasses of malt whiskey.


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